if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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