I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
