remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
