He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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