i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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