The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
