Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
