lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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