Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
