bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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