hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
