I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
