I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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