He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
