I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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