why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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