I think my fart just growled at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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