Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
