and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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