Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
