Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
