He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
