Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
