I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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