I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
