I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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