I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
