he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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