I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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