we're blogging at a bar
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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