yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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