I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
