After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
