Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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