Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
