As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
