ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Alive.
So much puke
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
