nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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