I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
