new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
