seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
