and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
