Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
