Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
