i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
