I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
