On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
