i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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