did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I love how my cats smell like pot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
