Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
