i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
