are you still at the devil's house?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
