He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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