even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
