Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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