I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
